A Morbid Curiosity
Death affects us all differently. We think we know how we'll react to it, we watch it on TV, read all the gory articles, and look at the images online. We're fascinated by it, maybe we even fancy ourselves into death and dying, morbid, macabre even. True crime is everywhere, shows, books, movies. We've become experts, armchair detectives, analyzing the latest kill. Imagining what we would do in their shoes. But how close can we get? How close are you willing to get?
A few years ago, after one death too many, I became obsessed with death and dying. My partner was found dead under "mysterious circumstances" and I lost it. I wasn't there when she died, and afterwards she disappeared into a morgue drawer where I wasn't allowed to see her. I became obsessed with finding out how she died, and when I couldn't, I became obsessed with being dead. What would it feel like? What would my last thoughts be? What would I see? Smell? Would there be pain? Fear? Could I create an experience so close I actually felt what she felt in her last moments?
In an effort to get as close as I could, this project was born. To create each scene I had to meticulously plan each detail of my death, going so far as to recreate the steps leading up to each "death". Even the ones that ended in murder. I chose the things I was most afraid of. A man coming into my house at night. Someone not taking no for an answer. Being buried alive. It was no easy feat. Thankfully, the talented people in my life chose to help me make these thoughts real instead of having me institutionalized. I am grateful to them to this day.
Many kind regards~ 7
All behind scene photos by S. McCabe
Makeup by T.C. Hartman
Support and logistics by E. Lavender
Editing help by C. Silvio