Scene 2: NEED COPY

​

Location- Abandoned warehouse on the berths of Alameda island.

​

COD - Strangulation and stabbing. This scene was the longest to prep for since the body was to be found many hours after the killing. The girl (aka me) was taken from her home, raped and mutilated elsewhere and then dumped to die in the alley. Our original location, which we had scouted several days prior to the shoot, had been sectioned off for construction. Unfortunately we found this out AFTER we had all my makeup on and we were ready to shoot. We drove around in the summer heat, me covered in tacky makeup and gore and wrapped in a white robe, I felt bad for the video guy, it was his car. I finally honed in on a warehouse with several long aisles leading into the main building. I jumped out and immediately was drawn to the broken window at the end of the first aisle. There was no question, this was our spot.

​

Notes on scene 1~

​

On Sunday, June 28th my little crew and I did scene 1, a body found in an abandoned building after a rape and murder. Obviously, this experience has had a profound effect on me and I have spent a lot of time writing about it back and forth with my friends. Here is a bit of email that my dearest Em drew out of me that I feel actually describes what's going on in my head-

​

----This time has been so crazy for me, just pushing against the wall of my own self destruction, the absolute desire to follow her, to leave all this pain behind, to just lay down because I’m so so tired and close my eyes and not have to get up again. When I was laying there in broken glass and trash and dirt I willed my body to give in and sink down into the filth, to make my body fill in the cracks and become one with it. Like you said, begin to decompose. I was there, so close, bleeding into that disgusting piece of earth. I closed my eyes around it and I wanted to stay there, Em, I did. I’m ashamed to say it, but it would have been easier for me. Not for you, or Aytan or anyone else, but for me. I let myself have it, just for a little bit.----

​

I admit I have no idea what I’m doing. Its half art, half mad self destruction. I admit that I’m playing with fire and gasoline at the same time. And I admit that there is a part of me that is out of control. These pictures are containing pieces of it, but I can’t really say I believe it can all be contained in the end. I see what you are saying, though, the life springing forth from the death.----